Melting hard kids

Hey ya pepo!
Short update: I'm now teaching in a secondary school.
Which makes my teaching life waaaaaay more challenging.
Good thing: my voice is not as sore as compared to when I was teaching in primary.
Bad thing: students are waaaaaay harder to control.
What to do?

One of my classes gives me headache the most.
This particular class is a low proficiency class, where students are totally not interested in learning.
They come to school because they have to and they enter class because it's listed down in the curriculum.
What's more, they are more interested in their own stories and personal life to even care about a teacher mumbling in class.
I tried yelling, scolding, talking softly with each and everyone of them...
Well, the only hopes I have is when they grow up, they grow out of this phase.

Today I had a breakthrough.
It's nothing much, but I got them to listen to me, to my stories.
It was just a normal class in which they have to complete assignments using computers.
So there I was sitting at my desk, waiting for them to give me their marks...
When I noticed one of the noisier girls was looking kinda dejected.
Curious as I was, I asked her what's wrong, only to find out that she was given a suspension letter from the school.
After giving her some counselling and help, I then had a relaxing chat with her.
More to my surprise, when I was telling silly stories of my past, more students crowded towards my desk and was sitting on the floor listening to my stories.

Well...
Looks like a good story never fails.
And it looks like, the more you need to help them, show that you care for them...
The more they feel it, the more they understand you...
While this is only the beginning, it feels good to have them be "good students" for a day.
I am totally sure that there's always ups and downs for this particular class, but I am relishing it for a lil bit longer...
I hope that when I'm done teaching them as a sub, they could still remember the efforts I put in to help them be a better person in future.
That's what a teacher's job is right?
To Inspire. :)

Oh ya, another thing I've learnt is, 

if you're eating choc doughnuts, 

remember to bring some fork or sth

elsewise you'll end up with poopy hands...

HAHAHA

Love
JCG

My Green Eyed Monster

After making a quick scroll in Facebook, I had fallen prey to the egoism of social media...

Succumbing to the jealously that arise from looking at what fame or fortune can do to people. 

Looking at my friends being chic, enjoying life, or achieving something, I felt myself envying their success. 

Looking back at myself and what I'm doing, I felt the pang of helplessness. 

I too,  wish for so much more in life, but it seems so far fetch still... 

To think of it from another point of  view, I have yet to actually do something for myself. 

Yet to make changes drastic enough for any observable improvement. 

I need to keep going, keep moving...

But, to where? 

That's the ultimate question. 

I guess that's life. 

You'll never know if you're doing the "right" thing for yourself until you explore everything. 

Here I am, exploring my options. 

At times I do stray, lured away by my green eyed monster... 

Them telling me that it's easier to just start afresh or start somewhere new. 

BUT

I've given myself some time to try out this particular path. 

And I do plan to stick to it for a while. 

Well, if all things do go wrong, at least I lived to say I've tried. 

To be honest, I'm actually quite contented with my current life. 

This lifestyle is just nice, towards my comfort, but it has its ups and downs. 

I wonder if I am able to get through this life for another 3/5 years. 

I wish I can do so much more in life. 

Make a name for myself, be somebody... 

I guess I'll have to leave that to fate to decide when it'll happen. 

Well I guess that's what I call the mid twenties crisis 

Now that I'm in this particular age, I can't help remembering the last time I met with a dear friend of mine, huiyin. 

She told me the same thing, that she was facing this dilemma in her work. 

But to me, she was very positive in her outlook of life, very strong in keeping to her dreams. 

Sometimes, I do wish I have a foreseeable dream. '

Maybe being 'cincai' is not a good thing too. 

Haha...

All in all, I hope this nagging feeling does leave me eventually. 

Hopefully, I can be way more than what I am now. 

I imagine myself, doing stuff that actually impact and inspire. 

I need that day to come to me, sooner or later. 

-end of rant-

Signing off

JCG

Rants on Rabies - Stray Dog Killing Issue in Penang

Unless you're staying in a small cabin in the middle of nowhere, you'd probably know what is happening now in Penang.

Lemme summarise. 

1. Rabies cases in Penang (other cases in Kedah and Perlis) 
2. Government declare killing of stray dogs 
3. Dog loving people pissed 
4. Internet war on stray dogs vs human rights (even to the extend of playing politics)

That's about it. 

My two cents? 

Well, I tried to look from both sides of the situation, reading posts and comments from both pov. 

Sad to say, I can't see any solid points for those opposing the killing of strays. 

No Killing Stray People Say

• Pets have rights too
• There's other ways to deal with this
• Gov being cruel to animals
• NGOs had pooled a big sum of money for vaccines
• There's already no cases in Penang 

Killing Stray People Say

• Stray life vs human life
• It's to protect human and home pets
• No funding, budget, or enough TIME to vaccine strays
• Vaccines in shortage, not even enough for home pets
• Better safe than sorry

Looking back at previous epidermic of the Swine Flu or Bird Flu etc, there are not as much opposition as compared to dogs.

I'd say only business owners like those with pig or chicken farms voiced out. 

Even with that, masses after masses of poultry are killed. 

This proved 2 things. 

One, Penangnites have great heart for dog loving, and I respect that (I love dogs too). 

Two, they don't care enough or aren't educated enough to make any opposition. 

(Aaaaand, social media was not as popular back then as compared to now)

On a separate but related case, I saw a video the other day where a female dog owner holding her pet was which was struck by Rabies. 

It was hard to watch... 

The dog was totally out of control - mad, convulsion, twitches, gnarling and salivating everywhere,  not to mention trying to bite the owner, pooping and peeing and just plain aggressive. 

At first, I was very convinced by the video title saying that this owner is very kind to her dog, standing by it when it needed her most. 

BUT, after scrolling through comments, one comment from a vet actually appealed to me. 

The vet was a UK grad, saying that actually, this is not the best way to "help" the dog, instead, it is putting the owner in danger (as the saliva might infect her too)

The best way, according to the professional, is to put the dog in a dark confinement / room, tend to it only if there's protective gear on you. 

And I actually did a quick search on Google to check for the validity of the saying.

Huh... That totally put things in a different perspective. 

Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away by the touching or warmhearted people's words.
They called it the Grapevine effect (people judging or posting based on what somebody else had said)

While I do agree that they are entitled to their POV, I think the government is only trying to do what's best, financial and time wise. 

Many of these 'posts' and 'comments' are plain emotional, without proper reasoning, without proper education / research, and just downright rude. 

However, if NGOs are trying their best to stop the killing, I do hope they can save as much strays as their ability permits, THEN proceed with the next step of finding suitable owners who are willing to take them into good and healthy homes. 

Or else, that would be another new problem in their end. 

But I like to add, opinions are just opinions, like mine, they are not facts. 

Picture taken from freemalaysiatoday.com

UPDATE

Penang runs out of Rabies vaccine

There's a 3rd case of Rabies in Penang 2 days back. 

Now a total of 82 cases of Rabies in Penang, Kedah and Perlis. 

I wish all the best to our beloved Penang. 

For a better tomorrow.

Signing off
JCG

The time we went to Hatyai and it was Awesome

During a random late May weekend, a few of us decided to Hatyai...

Because, why not??

So we hopped on a van and off we go! 

Van transfer from Penang to Hatyai around RM70-80 per person. 

On the van bringing us there

Stayed at Red Planet

Big C loot!

They had this TV camera thingy and we totally abused it

   

Trying on hats

Jason vs Sheng

Floating market

Going back via Tuk Tuk

Jalan in Lee Gardens

Cheap German beer

Loots!

OOTD

Last minute massage! 

Nice massage place near our hotel

Resting at Red Planet while waiting for the pick up van

Good thing too cause it rained right after we came in

OTW back, we met with this lil fella

Jason's new K-gia

Blurry photo

Hyper kid

Patient mom and 'dad'

At border

Very hard to get a nice pic

Take 2

Take 3

yey finally! 

Breaking composure

That's about it!
2 days 1 night
Totally random and totally awesome.
Thanks guys for a wonderful memory
Let's do that again soon!

Love
JCG

I need a plan

Well, the news about me being rejected by USM Masters was a sudden turn of events.
For whatever reason it was, I didn't particularly feel sad.
I feel kinda glad too in a way cause, I'm not sure if continuing my studies would be a good step for me.
I am now confused and perplexed as to what will my next step be.
Perhaps I should go and look for the Dean and appeal.
OR... I can explore the other options in life?

I believe that life changes happen for a reason.
Perhaps this is the time for me to actually get up and do something...
Even though now I'm actually in a sweet spot, juggling between 2 main (but part time) jobs.
But, the pay is still minimal to the extent that I have to use a magnifying glass to see my paychecks.

I actually have a checklist for myself to self evaluate, and the results are actually more confusing than ever.
See below:
1. Am I satisfied with my current lifestyle? If not, which part?
Yes, but things can be better, paycheck wise.

2. Do I want to work full time (office job)?
No, unless I really have to.

3. How am I going to cover my expenses?
Taking more jobs or earning more money, whichever comes naturally for me.

4. What are my short term plans?
I have a list of things to do lined up for me, but I don't have the means to complete it. I need to get more money. I prefer working on a project of some sort, be it a business idea or just some on the side writing projects or so.

5. How am I going to achieve the above?
... This is where I got stuck.

This is usually where the story comes to a magical twist of events right?
Ugh, I really got to do SOMETHING to change my life.
Well, at least I got one thing down, which is maintaining my healthy daily exercise routine.
I believe, if I have more healthy routines, it would help me in my future too...
C'on Wendy, think...
I need a plan.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Supp guys, thanks for reading my blog.
It does get personal sometimes, cause I really do need to get it off my chest.
I'm routing for a change in my life.
Trying new things or just switching my current life up a notch.
Hopefully I get to enjoy the things I want.
As for you guys out there, if you're too struggling like me, I hope you have better luck at coming up with solutions to your problems.
I'm sure the solution will pop up someday, soon enough.
Let's keep the fire burning yo!

Pictures of my chickens to keep you energized!

Love
JCG

Life in Progress!

Whew, I've been wanting to do some of my personal stuff for some time.
For example, editing videos, blogging, and many more.
One thing I'm proud of myself for doing is that I exercise... Everyday!
But yea, food intake wise, that's another ball game.
Hence, the stagnant of my body weight. Heee...

Anyways, coming back to topic, I have so many things lined up for me.
But yesterday, I had finally closed some of the open files.
I've edited 3 videos in one go!
Which took me for about 3 hours (I've been doing my work while I was waiting for the render)
So, I'm happy of that!

Then I think to myself, when work actually comes, it demands such a big part of you.
Time is of the essence they say, but how do you actually spend it is what makes everything worth while.
Take for example, me writing this blog!
I may not have a million views or likes, but I'm happy that I got to put a small part of my life experience here to share with those of you who checked my blog.
Thank you so much for stalking me, I love you guys. :)

Sometimes, taking time to do your own stuff is satisfaction itself.
Now that I've completed some of my to-dos, I feel much relieved.
No regrets people! That's how I wanna live mah life.
Peace!

Obligated selfie post with new Taiwan boots!

Thanks to my cousins K&K!

This is one of the videos I was talking about. 

My silly friends and me enjoying ourselves at Jason's Bro's Wedding!

Bunch of awesome people they are. :D

Signing off
JCG

Reflect on Weakness

Everybody's got their weakness. 

I do too. 

Today I met with one of my weakness - dominance. 

Note: today's blog is more of a reflection, the tone is more formal than usual.

Prideful as I am, I just realized that I am a very dominant person, especially when I am faced with other people who are more dominant than me. 

This trait is usually hidden behind my 'helpfulness', which I myself didn't realise. 

And this trait had brought me great friends and adventures, at the same time, sad and sorrowful times. 

Today I lost my temper a few times because of this trait, and I felt bad about it. 

I hated losing my temper. 

It's just not me. 

I'm peaceful loving, but not as humble or obedient as I thought. 

I will work on myself to improve myself. 

I will not take interest in other's petty stuff and respect others, even tho I may not agree with them. 

I will learn from my mistakes and avoid falling into the same trap over and over again. 

I need to be better. 

I will let go of things I thought was of importance to others. 

I will not let these things bother me. 

I will leave others to what they may be. 

I need to be a better me. 

Thanks Sheng for helping me to reflect. 

P/S: note to self, recheck exercise schedule. 

Signing off

JCG

Searching for myself

Well, it's been a month since I've written.
Yes, I miss the times when I could just sit down and write about anything that comes to mind.
But now, with so many plannings, preparations and work going on...
Yea, I still have free time, I'm just a lazy b*tch.

Well, convocation's this Saturday, so that's new.
Excited? Perhaps, but still, the last hurdle before entering society for real.
Which brings me to my dilemma, finding the right career.

I'm pretty tied up so far, working on off in projects, researchers, and others.
I'm also taking my teacher's course in music.
Well, at times I could be really free and at times, I would stay up late nights to finish off work.

I am shaping my future towards education, but I'm not too sure if that's what I want.
People around me advised me to go for what you CAN, instead of what you WANT to get me up on my feet.
While I agreed to that to some point, I just can't shake the feeling of me wanting to do so much more in life!
I want to write articles, I want to learn and meet exciting people and stuff, I want to travel...
So many things I've wanted, but is it for me?

That's why lately I've been bubbling myself into vacation plannings & field trips.
It's like my go-to escape plan to explore the world without actually needing to stray too far away from my future career now.
Who know where I'll end up next.

When in doubt, I actually stumbled on this article on career choices, if you are facing some sort of career problem, you can definitely look it up.

Finally, I'd like to say, what I'm going through is something pretty common.
But it is something new to me, so I need time to adjust to everything.
I know that no matter what we do, we just gotto inject some fun, humour and life into it...
And voilà, life's beautiful again!

What better way to end a blog with a chicken selfie!

Bak Bak! hehehehehehehehe

(Taken after my taman run - training for Penang Marathon yo! 7km!)

Signing off,

JCG

Would you stand up when the national anthem comes up in the cinema before the movie starts?

Today was a particularly 'racial' day for me.
I've just finished watching this video about 'How racist are Malaysians' - awesome
Plus, I finished another episode of JK News on Black Racism - thought inspiring



So these got me thinking about racism in general.
While I was having a talk with my dad with the 'what would you do' questions, something popped out of my mind.

It happened yesterday when Sheng and I went for a movie together at Queensbay.
We were both sitting together, watching trailers before the movie 'Lucy' started.
Then the screen turned blank and the narrator said 'Please stand up to sing the national anthem' while the translations in BM and BC were displayed on the screen.
I was truly confused and I was looking at Sheng with a confused look, asking him 'Is this for real?'
He shrugged as the familiar tune of 'Negaraku' started playing.

I looked to the left and right (a typical reaction to most people in the cinema), nobody stood up.
I was about to grab a chip from the can Sheng bought earlier when he sprung up all of the sudden and he started to sing the national anthem.
Shocked as I was, I stood up too (so he doesn't look awkward? haha) and I actually knocked off a good portion of the chips...

Standing up, I can see that most people in the cinema was seated, except for another Chinese girl standing a few rows in front of me.
I distinctively heard her guy friend towards her left asking her 'Why did you stand up' in Chinese.
And with a little giggle, she replied 'Cause it's our country ma' (notice the infamous 'ma' in the conversation? Yea, that's how Malaysian we are)
So, the 3 of us stood throughout Negaraku, watching the patriotic images our country along with the different races flashed in front of us.

When it all ends, I sat down, facing Sheng with a questioning look...
"You surprised me when you stood up"
"Yea, why?"
"I didn't expect you to do that... Haha."
"Haha, yea, I may dislike our country's politics, but I am proud of being a Malaysian."
"True, I agree."
"BTW, do you know how common it is for the Thais to stand up for their national anthem? They'll even pull up at the side of the road when the national anthem was aired on the radio!"

So that was my experience with the national anthem and the cinema.
I think people rasa malu nak stand up because it feels weird and awkward.
But I think the national anthem stirs up more than just our country, identity and stuff...
I think it creates this emotion inside reminding us that, 'hey, we had come this far, look at all these things we can cherish', and it does makes sense, in a way.
I think I only realize the impact of it when I went through my uni, meeting so many people, seeing so many faces.
I think it's kinda cool getting to know each other better, we gotto learn something new everyday.
Ahh, memories...

So, would you stand up when the national anthem comes up in the cinema before the movie starts?

News on cinema airing Negaraku for a week here
:)

Signing off
JCG

Watching JK News - Hater's reactions to cops

I'm a big fan of this channel and I've been watching every video they posted about recent news.
These 2 are the ones that caught my attention.

Scenario

Both these news are condemnation to the cop's reaction in the US.

One of them tackling the cop who said 'I will fucking kill you' to the media during the Brown protest;

the other one being the cop which shot at a black dude when the guy provoked the cops. 

After I watched their comments, I scrolled down to the much heated comment section to check out on what people are thinking of their opinions. 

It's no surprise that many of them are very much in defense of their own opinion and at the same time, bashing the JK crew for supporting the cops. 

Afterthought

While I'm no fan of rude cruel words and name calling, I do take their point of view into consideration. 

And after looking at it from both sides, I think people have this weakness of having to prove to everyone how 'right' they are. 

For example, some of the commentators (haters included) would be outraged by saying that the cops are killing innocent lives and they are the ones we're supposed to be trusting, but they failed us by having "out of the order" reactions. 

They may be right when they say that, but they (being the haters) forgot to think of things from the cops' point of view. 

I had more affiliation to these news story as I had similar experiences when I was a prefect back in high school. 

We, being the law enforcers, are easily the target to blame when there's a mishap at school. 

Teachers or students alike would probably point to us for any misconduct or mistakes done. 

But I was wondering, how would these people hating on the cops or JK crew react when they are faced with the same situation...
When your life is in danger, would you act / react 'rationally' or would you just do anything to keep yourself safe? 

Let's say, these normal civilians or law enforcers met with these crooks who are perhaps high on drugs or threatening them or heckling them...

Would they had stayed calm and grab a taser when their lives are clearly threatened?
Would they had used civilized words instead of spiking off vulgarities?
I know I wouldn't.
But I know many would say that 'we react this way because we are only normal human beings!'
Yea, say that to the cops with families to take care of and are trying to make ends meet.

Looking back at those cops, I'm not saying that what they did is right or wrong, but I'm saying that I understand where they came from, why would they react this way and their emotions or feelings associated with the public around them. 

It's not easy having to stand and do the 'right' thing. 

Hater's gonna hate.

Till another rant.

Signing off
JCG

Juggling Jobs

Someday, I'm going to
- Change my blog's interface
- Tidy up my room and do a makeover
- Spend more time with my family and grandparents
- Spend more time with my dar and his family
- Do some necessary planning for my future trips
- Do some necessary planning for my $$
...

What's stopping me then?
I'm into freelancing, which meant I am currently juggling between a few jobs.
Little did I know, freelancing is more tiring than I thought.
I was snatched up right after my finals.
And I was busy since then.
Haven't been able to watch a movie or switch myself off in total dummy mode since.
However, I do feel that it is rewarding in a way.
I've got to experience the goods and bads freelancing to it's fullest, from the comfort of my home too!
And, I still have some time to catch a quick break with my friends, several gatherings here and there.
Imma lucky b*tch, I know. *insert smirk*

So this is what I do when I need to relax, flaring my nostrils at people watching my videos.
This is specially for you dar. :)



Have a nice day pepo!

Signing off
JCG

Happy Goodbyes

I was proud of myself when I told my roommate CK, "No, I won't feel sad because I'm leaving, I feel neutral."
Yes, that was a few days back when I think that those grads crying and sobbing is overrated.
Now that I'm going to leave the comfort -no, it's not comfortable at all here, it's freaking hot- safety of my hostel, I felt the weight of it all.
Suddenly, I felt lost. 

Days before my final exam, I was already busying myself with job applications, resumes and such.
I was so sure that with a job in hand, I would feel good about myself, I would feel proud and happy, even though I'm leaving USM.
But I woke up today, and looked around my room, I felt unsure.
Running my hands on the once bed bugs infested walls, looking around at that dim atmosphere of the room, lit by redness from our window curtains, and finally resting my gaze on my sleeping roommate, I felt a sudden pang of reality.
I'm going to leave this place for good.

I'm going to miss the morning calls by the birds living on top of our ceiling, the birds we once hated so much to the extend we threw objects to the ceiling to quiet them down.
I'm going to miss the walks to school crossing over SK school, where there's always a crowd of busy people rushing to their classes and I'll have to bump everyone to get through.
I'm going to miss our lecture sessions, trying to pay attention in class, talking behind the lecturer's back, sharing private jokes between ourselves.
I'm going to miss our lunch dates, we would just walk a 5 minutes down to Red House and we would share a joyfully 'loud' lunch, complaining about our school work or just plain blow water '吹水'.
I'm going to miss our after lunch hideaway at our school's resource room, where we care not about the resourcefulness of the room, but of the kind and cooling air-con and their computers.
I'm going to miss the walks / drives out to our school, towards that familiar street with 4 fast food restaurants, but we'd still complain there's nothing nice to eat around here.
I'm going to miss times when we would BBQ in front of lake Harapan, and the cheap booze we would sneak in to couple with our meals and sauce, just to relax and enjoy the Biawaks swimming around us.
I'm definitely going to miss the long endless sessions of talk my friends and I share, talking about school, about life, about love, about friends, about dreams and about sex. *wink*

There's a famous Chinese saying that goes by 人面不知何处去，桃花依旧笑春风, signifying the habitual rhythm of life that runs everyday, but the familiar faces we once associate with are no longer there.
I think what I miss most, is the safeness of this place, not the place itself.
I like the way that I could just walk down a flight of stairs to search for my coursemates, H&M (Hannah & Meiyin)
I feel safe when I'm surrounded by familiar faces in class, the always sleeping KS sitting beside AG and always talking Jacky.
Of course, I cannot forget the limb Chiaying, always wishing for the class to end early, and the always writing Casey, always wishing he could write faster while his other hand busied himself with tissues.
Tommy, who's always secretly planning on which next country he would like to visit and BBQ at.
Shashee, the forever loving girl who would always say goodbyes with a hug.
Bingqian, the Chinese from China who's always in cool clothing but in sweat from her walking 30 mins to school.
Fidah & Rou, where I would usually chat through FB, but I secretly feel proud because I can mix around with them.
Of course, my cute and slightly plumb roommate CK along with my next door neighbors Yumei & Meiyee, who shared so many food with me!
And many more which their names are not mentioned here.
The SAFENESS of my friends being beside me, to care for me and to remind me that we have yet to complete assignments and stuff.

BUT, I would prefer not to miss them.
I prefer happy goodbyes and 再见s, which meant we will definitely see each other again.
We might feel lost now that we have to go on with life and to take on jobs, careers and responsibilities.
But I'm sure, no matter how hard life might take us, we would still look back today and say that, I had a wonderful Uni life.
Sad? Perhaps, but it's a proud moment of being sad.
But there will still be chances we'll meet together, play together and have fun together.
Till we meet again my silly friends.

Signing off,

JCG

I Don't Believe in Feeling Sorrow

I don’t believe in feeling sorrow. It’s not built-in my system. I was trained to be tough whenever we are faced with problems. Strong girls don’t cry, they are for the weak minded, the cry babies, the good-for-nothing bitches. I don’t believe in feeling sorrow.

***

I woke up in a tears-drenched bed, my eyes feeling sore, my body aching from my bad sleeping posture. I did not sleep well. As I peeled away from the locks of my comforter, it suddenly dawned to me, that awful reality which I was trying so hard to forget haunts me again. I put my head into my arms as I struggled against another crying fit, then I willingly forced myself up from my bed. The whole room seemed emptier, even though nothing had changed. My cloths laid casually around my bedroom floor, my dressing table a terrible mess, my bags tossed on to a growing pile...

I did not even bother to brush up, there’s no point in it. I dragged myself to the door and opened it. A burst of fresh air rushed into my stuffy room, but it did nothing to improve my solemn mood. I looked across the neatly tidied hall to their room. Their door was opened, just like it has always been. I used to ask my dad why does he open his door the minute they woke up, he used to joke around saying that it is meant to welcome us in. As that memory slipped by, I felt a jab of pain striking my heart. I’m not sure if I can take it.

Mornings at my home were always so cheerful. I loved the way the sun warms each and every one of our rooms, not as much as blinding it, but just enough to create that warm fuzzy glow. Today, it seemed that the sun was feeling utterly happy, lighting up my house the way it always did. I remembered my mom used to say that a bright room is always good FengShui, it means that good Chi is flowing in our home, it will give good luck and good fortune... How Ironic.

I walked towards their open door and peered inside. I hated the fact that everything looked the same. Their TV set looking right at their miniature sofa in front of their king size bed, and my youngest brother’s additional Tilam just nesting beside it. Towards the corner of the room, my father’s favourite massage chair, positioned and angled perfectly to see the TV set too. I remember days when I would just walk in this room, shouting out to my mom and dad in greeting and just lay in their king sized bed, watching the TV together with them. Gleeful moments when I got to wake up my youngest brother when the sun is up, just to annoy him. Or I could just hoist my legs up the bed as I lay down on the sofa, my mom would surely nag at me for being ‘un-woman-like’...

Everything seemed like a blur now. I walked into that room and sat on that sofa I loved so much, looking at that quiet surrounding, seeping in that eerie silence. I couldn’t believe they could just go like that. It was just too sudden. My memories with them seemed like an on-rolling TV series, so real but yet so made up. As scenes after scenes of our stories fast forwarded in my mind, my head felt like a million tonne. It was just too much and I couldn’t resist. I put my head in my arms and weep uncontrollably...

A sudden knock startled me from my thoughts. I looked up to see my red eyed brother, holding up a newspaper cut out. I took the limp piece of paper from him, the not-so-subtle headline spelling out the hard and cold reality - ‘Parents and youngest son died in car crash’. I looked at him as he started to cry violently. Me, being the eldest, could not do much, but to hug him. I too, cried along with him...

***

I don’t believe in feeling sorrow. But when I woke up from that terrible dream, nothing seemed to matter to me anymore. I ran into that familiar room looking for my mom. She was sweeping the bedroom floor, listening to the morning news. I hugged her as tight as I could and said nothing more.

- A short write up for creative writing class :)

I "UNDERSTAND" you

It's so easy for others to pass off a condolence or comment by saying "I 'understand' you"...
But does it really help tho?

Situation

I was surfing the net and I saw a post asking for inputs regarding a security problem in my school.
Being the natural sampat I am (I don't deny it) I responded with a recent situation I've met with.
It was not easy sharing some personal awful experience as many a times, it might show too many emotions and generate some misunderstanding.
Hence I made the post as unbiased as possible. (Trust me, I'm an English for Pro student. lol...)
Instead of a kind acknowledgement of the requester, a Keyboard Hero (1) responded my post coolly by saying that 'I understand, BUT I'm sure everything would have been better if you have been polite'
Ask me how do I feel... I double dare you, ask me!

Note (1): someone who is the 'hero' of the internet, typing away nasty comments without having to give concern to any other parties.

Implication

Well... I felt that I was being shamefully humiliated.
1st, it was hard for me to share out that particular problem as it deals with the security (authoritative wise)
2nd, I was judged because of something the Keyboard Hero thought I was neglecting. (in this case, politeness)
Sometimes, I can understand why young teens responded with immature comments like "you ain't me, you don't know me!"
In that particular situation, I'd just like to shout out to this Mofo's face by saying "Geez you think? The answer is sooooo obvious, why hadn't I think of that??"
In fact, the point of me saying that it was hard for me to share it is BECAUSE I felt sad:
when I thought I was doing the right thing by being polite at first, that fella from security was so sure about the possible multiple crimes I've conducted, he accused me and started piling up the offences I've made (of course, I'll still leave the part of him being awfully rude to me out).

Solution

But I choose to deal with the situation in a calm manner.
I did nothing to that awful post and left it at there.
Cause the whole point of me posting to that post was to contribute to this poor guy's research.
Hence, no rude comments from me defending myself whatsoever.
Yey me!
Achievement Unlocked: Zero F*cks given!

Afterthought

I remembered a post I've read a few weeks back, the title goes something like 'worst ways to console your depressed friend'
One of them was saying "I understand you"
If we have not been through similar experience with them, it's better to leave that one out.
Saying that will only project you as being the annoying and snobbish 'know-it-all' that looked down on your friend, which well, might make your depressed friend more suicidal.
So, think twice before you judge or comment.
Especially if your comments include that the term "I understand you"


Greetings Beautiful People
Yea sorry my format of writing had changed to be more thesis like.
I'm gonna have a shytload of assignments piling in and I needa get prepared.
Well, I thought the new format was pretty good don't ya think?
Peace beautiful people.
May you unlock more zero f*cks achievements in life!

JCG

Hair Changing Experience

First, a short update from the previous post about online shopping.
Yes, the packages arrived!!
Ta-Da!

It's a bit tight, but with a proper diet and exercise, I think I can pull through. 

Yey!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So what's next? 

My HAIR MAKEOVER of course.

My brother had been bugging me like forever to change my hairstyle.

After consulting with my cousins KnK, I've decided to visit their usual salon shop for my hair makeover.

STEP 1: 

I looked through the net and search for the hairstyle I want. 

It's kindda Korean-ish, but I think I'd look good in that. 

STEP 2:

Going through 2 hours plus with freakish hair machine!

Seriously, I was shocked when they put the machine on me. @@

I name it, the 'Freakin Octopus' machine!

STEP 3:

Coming out looking like Edith Piaf / 沈殿霞. 

Yea, this hairstyle gave me my secondary heart attack after the freaking machine.

My hair was too CURLY! 

Buttt....

 

STEP 4:

Fortunately, after they gave my hair some relaxing chemicals, my hair 'relaxed'

And this is what I get!

Le final result!

I'm pretty glad of the results (it's better than the pic in STEP 1!)

It's a great achievement for not looking like an aunty after my hair makeover. 

Fished a few compliments on the way too. 

HEHE. 

Till next time guise!

Love

JCG

Btdubs

Hair Salon: Century, Simpang Ampat

Cost: RM220

Saying the 'Wrong' Things

Supp guise! It's been quite sometime since my last rant.
This one is an afterthought of something that had happened to me lately.
Yes, it's about 讲错话 -- Saying the 'Wrong' Things

I recently was visited by a fellow friend and I introduced my house as 'just a small place'.
Apparently, my brother pointed it out that I was selling myself too low, which makes me look like boasting.
I have no idea at all that my speech would go such great length to hurt others.
Like the Chinese Proverb,  祸从口出 -- Bad things come out from the mouth.

Anyways, another incident happened again lately about my 'cursed' mouth.
I was at a relative's place and we were talking about dish covers.
As the dish cover at my relative's house was in steel, I said 'our house is so small, we have no place to put (storage) this'
And, it seems like I had done it again.
But this time, I oversold myself, which makes me sounds like I'm being sarcastic.

Well, what have I to say but to say I'm surely not good in saying the right/correct thing at that particular situation.
Many a times, the things I said mean no harm, but to others it seems to matter a lot.
And does this affect our future? People's perception on us? Our image? Our family's image?
(yea, that's a bit too far... But is it though??? -hmmmm....)

I was a bit fed up with myself for being stupid, why am I keep saying the wrong things.
Then, I realized something.
Is it that important to gain other's acceptance, as to the extend that we must say things 'to please'?
I know it's a kind of an over-generalization by saying that this applies to all context, but to be specific, are these important in leisurely conversations with friends and family?

I believe it's hard to please everyone, harder still to be That Person that says everything right.
We are being molded by history and society into believing that people live in community, and we share that common norm or set of values.
We are also programmed to reject any un-normal behaviors, such as people who just don't know how to say the 'right' things.
So how are we going to survive in this world?
By being 'One of Them'.

What if I do not want to be 'One of Them'?
What if I want to just me 'Me'?
What if I like to say things without having people to judge or correct me cause it 'doesn't sound right' or 'it's not polite to say it' or 'people might interpret it like that'...
What if....

The funny thing is, we will never be able to truly live the life we want unless we detach from society.
Which is, ironically, hard as people will not let you leave the society cause it's un-normal.
This feels like a vicious cycle.
This is why peer pressure or 'adult pressure' happens too.
Think of those news where people who are unhappy with their lives choose to end it and think of why cases like these happen...
Cause they don't fit into the society.
It's like how our body's immune system treats foreign objects which enters our body, but are all those foreign objects bad?

Well, that's about it for my rant today.
I know it's kindda depressing, just wanted to get it off my mind for a bit.
But, deep from my heart, I still appreciate those who reminded me of my faulty mistakes, especially my brother.
I know I'm not the smartest, but if the boot fits, I might just give it a go.
But so far, I'm still tersangkut in my own thoughts.

I wanna fight, to be myself tonight. :)

JCG