I was proud of myself when I told my roommate CK, "No, I won't feel sad because I'm leaving, I feel neutral."
Yes, that was a few days back when I think that those grads crying and sobbing is overrated.
Now that I'm going to leave the comfort -no, it's not comfortable at all here, it's freaking hot- safety of my hostel, I felt the weight of it all.
Suddenly, I felt lost.
Days before my final exam, I was already busying myself with job applications, resumes and such.
I was so sure that with a job in hand, I would feel good about myself, I would feel proud and happy, even though I'm leaving USM.
But I woke up today, and looked around my room, I felt unsure.
Running my hands on the once bed bugs infested walls, looking around at that dim atmosphere of the room, lit by redness from our window curtains, and finally resting my gaze on my sleeping roommate, I felt a sudden pang of reality.
I'm going to leave this place for good.
I'm going to miss the morning calls by the birds living on top of our ceiling, the birds we once hated so much to the extend we threw objects to the ceiling to quiet them down.
I'm going to miss the walks to school crossing over SK school, where there's always a crowd of busy people rushing to their classes and I'll have to bump everyone to get through.
I'm going to miss our lecture sessions, trying to pay attention in class, talking behind the lecturer's back, sharing private jokes between ourselves.
I'm going to miss our lunch dates, we would just walk a 5 minutes down to Red House and we would share a joyfully 'loud' lunch, complaining about our school work or just plain blow water '吹水'.
I'm going to miss our after lunch hideaway at our school's resource room, where we care not about the resourcefulness of the room, but of the kind and cooling air-con and their computers.
I'm going to miss the walks / drives out to our school, towards that familiar street with 4 fast food restaurants, but we'd still complain there's nothing nice to eat around here.
I'm going to miss times when we would BBQ in front of lake Harapan, and the cheap booze we would sneak in to couple with our meals and sauce, just to relax and enjoy the Biawaks swimming around us.
I'm definitely going to miss the long endless sessions of talk my friends and I share, talking about school, about life, about love, about friends, about dreams and about sex. *wink*
There's a famous Chinese saying that goes by
人面不知何处去，桃花依旧笑春风, signifying the habitual rhythm of life that runs everyday, but the familiar faces we once associate with are no longer there.
I think what I miss most, is the safeness of this place, not the place itself.
I like the way that I could just walk down a flight of stairs to search for my coursemates, H&M (Hannah & Meiyin)
I feel safe when I'm surrounded by familiar faces in class, the always sleeping KS sitting beside AG and always talking Jacky.
Of course, I cannot forget the limb Chiaying, always wishing for the class to end early, and the always writing Casey, always wishing he could write faster while his other hand busied himself with tissues.
Tommy, who's always secretly planning on which next country he would like to visit and BBQ at.
Shashee, the forever loving girl who would always say goodbyes with a hug.
Bingqian, the Chinese from China who's always in cool clothing but in sweat from her walking 30 mins to school.
Fidah & Rou, where I would usually chat through FB, but I secretly feel proud because I can mix around with them.
Of course, my cute and slightly plumb roommate CK along with my next door neighbors Yumei & Meiyee, who shared so many food with me!
And many more which their names are not mentioned here.
The SAFENESS of my friends being beside me, to care for me and to remind me that we have yet to complete assignments and stuff.
BUT, I would prefer not to miss them.
I prefer happy goodbyes and 再见s, which meant we will definitely see each other again.
We might feel lost now that we have to go on with life and to take on jobs, careers and responsibilities.
But I'm sure, no matter how hard life might take us, we would still look back today and say that, I had a wonderful Uni life.
Sad? Perhaps, but it's a proud moment of being sad.
But there will still be chances we'll meet together, play together and have fun together.
Till we meet again my silly friends.
Signing off,
JCG
